Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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