I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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