We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
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