just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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