I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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