Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
