I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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