I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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