apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Boobs are out for the taking
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
