never play flip cup with pint glasses
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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