i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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