i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
