...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
