I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
