New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
