perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
