tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
