there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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