I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
