Im at strip club and am horny
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
