Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
