I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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