Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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