If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
