Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
