I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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