ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
