I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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