chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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