she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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