Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
