you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
