Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
a search helicopter?!
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
