she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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