Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
