So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
This house was built for laser tag.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
