If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
