Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
it's like heaven, but drunker
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
