Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
