I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
