i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
