Im at strip club and am horny
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
