Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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