I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
