Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
