OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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