Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
last night I used snow as a chaser
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
