a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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