Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
