Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
