His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
