i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
